Aqua Teen Terror Scare

(SEN: I know this is way dated by now but I've been lazy recently and I forgot to post this after I wrote it. So in lieu of tossing it out, here ya go.)

"It is unconscionable, that in this post-9/11 environment that Turner Broadcasting would do something like this in an urban setting..."
- Boston Police Superintendent Ed Davis

"It is outrageous, in a post-9/11 world, that a company would use this type of marketing scheme. I am prepared to take any and all legal actions against Turner Broadcasting and its affiliates for any and all expenses incurred during the response to today's incidents."
- Boston Mayor Thomas Menino

Sadly, neither man is prepared to take any and all responsibility for time and money wasted.

For those of you that don't know, "something like this," was, in fact, exactly this:

A small LED with a battery.

Loosens the bowels, does it not? One of these things was actually exploded by Boston's bomb squad. They thought these "devices" were constructed similarly to improvised explosive devices. Gentlemen, there are much more common yet sinister devices used by terrorists that are all around us...

Cars. Line 'em all up, better to err expensively on the side of caution. Better arrest Radio Shack too.

Congratulations Ed Davis and Thomas Menino. For all the hours you put in yesterday, the most top notch piece of work you accomplished was covering your own asses and passing the buck. The city of Boston should be proud. Unfortunately for them and the rest of us, it is apparently not unconscionable to use 9/11 as the ultimate excuse for your ineptness, ignorance, and failure of communication between the civil servants of the nine other U.S. cities who unwittingly hosted this marketing campaign but succeeded in getting no egg on their faces.

And apparently not unconscionable that the Department of Homeland Security's ridiculous and vague color coded terror warning system has again triumphed in its purpose as an utterly useless device except as a means for spreading unwarranted paranoia. Presumably (for the sake of spreading the embarassment around) it is this age of paranoia that incited your city-wide and highly expensive act of putting the cart before the horse. Did anyone even bother to see if the sources reporting these threats were at all credible?

And not unconscionable still that a marketer for a college male oriented cartoon is arrested and charged with felony hoax device placement (felony hoax device placement?!) and disorderly conduct all so Boston's top officials don't take a public bath in the shattering embarassment they so richly deserve for blowing loads of tax payer money all while having their heads deep in rectal defilade as they unbendingly goosestep to the beat of policy.

Policy, for those of you who haven't had a chance to appreciate it, is what makes us wait an extra two hours in the airport security line while the little white sectagenarian grandmother from Wisconsin is cavity searched because she was the one hundredth customer in line. And it doesn't matter that the next one hundredth is an infant strapped to his mother's chest. Policy dictates TSA's only clear course of action. Snap on a rubber glove and search that tiny threat. After all, he's really just a sack of liquid that is well over 3 ounces, and he's not even in a clear ziploc baggy!

Three words: Start racial profiling.

People's feelings be damned. White grandmothers and infants are not targeting America for destruction. Nor are cartoon shows, or PR stunts. In the case of the infant, which I actually witnessed, even the buzzcut thicknecked security guard was shaking his head as he went through the motions of searching and wanding this baby whose life you can count in months on one hand. Even he had the sense that this is idiocy. But not the guys who make policy. These guys are thinking of the jeopardy to the offices they hold if the next attack comes. Not that there's any reason for them to fear. Who got fired after 9/11 for total failure at their task? For ignoring the piles of evidence and warnings from operatives? Anyone?

*crickets*

Now we have a society that jumps at its own shadow and officials who rightly feel stupid for overreacting when the chart clearly states we're only at our usual elevated risk.

http://www.dhs.gov/xinfoshare/programs/Copy_of_press_release_0046.shtm

That is unconscionable.

In light of 9/11, there really are some things that persist in this world that truly do fall in the category of unconscionable. That these things still exist in the fore-front of our culture and still receive the attention that they do

...that McDonald's coffee tastes better than Starbuck's...

...that a cat's bath in a kitty-sized shower spa is cause for public outcry... (if this is the worst thing that happens to kitty in its free ride through life as a domestic housecat, it's way ahead of the game. all you excitable pet-o-philes just take a deep breath)

...that Paris Hilton's jailing extravaganza took presedence over the missle defense shield in Europe. (up to date relevance! yeah too little too late.....)