How the Other Half Irks

I recently received this lame joke in an email:

A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the man keeps staring and staring at a drunk woman swigging martinis as she sits alone at a nearby table. Finally his wife asks, "Do you know her?" "Yes, I do!" sighs the man. "She's my ex-wife. She took to drinking right after we divorced seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since." "My Goodness," says his wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"

to which I briefly responded (reply all, heh heh):

yeah? allow me to retort: that's the moment the new wife gets to hold her own private celebration as she pays the check all by herself because I left her punk ass there and filed for a brand new, yet equally delicious and liberating divorce. beotch!

yeah it's all fine and good till the male has his say, but somehow we're the jerks...

No thought in it, sophomoric and harmless, I figured. Y'know, turn it around, get in a jab for the fellas, have a little fun with the ladies and the people who emailed me. Then I forgot all about it, but this then set off more emails:

I’m curious as to the source of the high level of energy in your response. Is it personal or philosophical or something else, or am I misreading you?

and

it was just a joke. Nobody's a jerk. Sorry if I was insensitive.

etc. etc.

Well mine was also meant as a joke, in bad taste, but all the same. How it was taken was clearly otherwise. What I wrote at the bottom of my response meant that when a man flips-the-script, as it were, people take cautious offense, or worse.

"What does he mean by that? That's pretty rude. Wow! I wonder what's behind it?"

But leave it as it is, it's just a harmless jab at guys. "Whatsa matter? Can't take it little man?"

Hell no! And fuck you! :D

Just kidding... kinda.

Not that this is anything remotely new or profound, but the point is gender bias. Ok for one and not the other... funny one way, but not the other. Fair game on one side, energetic and shocking chauvinism on the other. Dare I say what I think this is? Reverse Chauvinism!! If white males had a version of Al Sharpton, I'd sick him on these ladies.

Poppycock, says I! How say you, Fishtank?

What I hear these days is lots of high fallutin' talk of gender equality, yet what I see is "I'll have my cake and eat it too."

or as I'm fond of saying:

"purvey unto we pistil-bearers all purported privileges perceived in the ponderous and plodding penis-bearers, yet put not the paralleling pendulous yoke pronounced chivalry upon us, pulchritudinous perennials that we be."

Dig?

I see some women wanting every so-called benefit of being a man in a man's world, yet still wanting dinner paid for, because that's the manly (chivalrous) thing to do. Only a small example of the double standard. Titchy? Maybe. But if these ladies want to split hairs, I'm their fuckin' guy.

I don't contend that all women behave this way, but I challenge these so-called equal rights activists to truly take on the onus of equality to a man. They can't do it, because we aren't equal. I don't say better, just not equal. In a perfect world, we are two parts to a whole, each filling in the gaps where the other lacks and complimenting each other as intended. Dichotomy? Yin Yang? Concepts as old as mankind? Anyone?

But noooooooooooo.....

So pick one. You either wish to be treated like a lady, or treated like a man. You may be a very capable lady, great. If so, do you really need affirmation? (what am I saying, of course you do!)This business of trying for the best of both worlds and then complaining loudly when it doesn't happen is horsepucky. Men don't get the best of both worlds. In fact, if you're white and male, you've been everyone's whipping boy for some 20 years, taking blame for everything even if you don't happen to be the rich white guy whose fault it REALLY is. Life is hard, people are jerks, welcome to it.

For those of you that will not be swayed:

Stuff it, ya super butch, potato shaped, camo-cutoffs wearing, beaver eater. *zzzziiiip* See this? I was BORN with a penis! You'll NEVER have one! SUFFER!!

*doing the "windmill"*

b. Stabby