Heavyweight Vulture Gloria Allred Swoops Down on Borat

It is official: Honesty will no longer be tolerated by the people of this country, so say the circling vultures, who are prepared to tighten the noose whatever the cost, as long as there is payola.

This is not a new idea, but one that has finally been plucked completely from the troubled waters of liberty by the greedy talons of the nation's legal eagles. (Weekly World News, take note of my dramatic flair!) Congratulations are due for taking an astoundingly funny and original idea and just litigating it to death. What’s the worst that happened here? Was a little too much honesty exposed under their own free will? A little more forthrightness than this country can stomach these days, without the baby’s blanket of political correctness? Someone spoke their mind with full knowledge of the cameras in their face and now they’re owed much more than a penny for their thoughts because they are genuinely ashamed or afraid of who they are? I offer that no one should owe you money for your openness about being racist, elitist, misogynistic, homophobic, shallow, catastrophically ignorant, or just profoundly uptight. That is unless you nail down a nationally syndicated talk show, then by all means. Otherwise, you deserve a pat on the back for your candor in this day and age and then people can decide for themselves if they want anything to do with you.

This is humanity.

These are our neighbors.

These are real people.

Whether in part or in full, this is you and this is me.

The idea that this is untrue of humanity is the real ruse here. But none of these people are owed a paycheck for their personal views, exposed or otherwise. Not yet, anyway.

Take all those juicy buzzwords I used up there. I would argue that everyone has a bit of those in them to a certain degree, whether they are willing to admit it or not. It's not necessarily a bad thing, but before anyone accuses me of being a Grand Wizard in the Klan, what i'm trying to say is we all root for the home team but that doesn't always mean: "Yer dif'rent! Let's fight!"

Cindy Streit, owner of Etiquette Training Service in Birmingham, Alabama didn't even go so far as to attach any of those labels to herself in the movie. I'm sure she just felt a little duped. But when the Allreds of the world smell some cheddar and get in her ear, her tune turns from short-lived and forgettable embarrassment to this:

“I am mortified at forever being portrayed in an R-rated movie with the most horrifying, pornographic scene imaginable to me. (seriously? I could really open this lady's eyes) When Borat and his camera crew left our dinner party, we were in total shock, and no one told us it had all been a ruse. …In a sincere effort to support cultural differences and being a proud American and Southerner, I thought we could portray out Southern customs and culture to Belarus Television. (Did she not?) I am outraged at the deception. How dare they?”

(SEN: whenever anyone uses the phrase "How dare they" or "How dare you," it really shows their arrogance in plain light and should be a red flag for you to temper any feelings of sympathy towards them. It's just too high falootin'. Or as Max von Sydow said as King Osric in Conan the Barbarian: "What daring! What outrageousness!" But at least he was king. Conan~FTW)

The only true outrage here is sharky lawyers spun a minor incident into a personal assault of such magnitude, the necessity arose for serious compensation equal to the devastating bruising sustained by her ego and her company's potential, yet unlikely profit loss due to southern decorum's inability to succesfully negotiate a plastic baggie of pooh. Fake pooh at that.

Predictably, Allred backs up her stance:

She said, “I’m concerned – is this going to start a trend where members of the public can be victimized in order to earn a profit? (The irony of that statement is just astounding) I’m concerned about the stampede to have ‘Borat’-like films victimizing other members of the public through deception. I don’t think they should be about to ride roughshod over the rights of innocent individuals.”

Allow me to translate:

“I’m concerned – is this going to start a trend where members of the public can be victimized in order to earn a profit that I have no stake in? I’m concerned that the stampede to have ‘Borat’-like films victimizing other members of the public through deception might possibly pass me by without being able to secure my share of the boatload of cash it is making. I don’t think they should be about to ride roughshod over the rights of innocent individuals without a payday in it for me.”

Allred is no saint. She's a big time California lawdawg, she reads the trades. She sees the boxoffice take every Monday and understands full well how much undeserved pie there is to go around if you’re a manipulative bullshitter. She is a filthy, selfrighteous, opportunistic leech who would unflinchingly corner society and confine your personal feelings within a convenient legal box for her own personal monetary gain. She has made herself the thought police for profit and people are letting her get away with it because she makes them feel guilty for their own feelings.
No one killed frivolity like this in its infancy and now we have ex-lawyers in the form of entrenched judges who are highly unlikely to toss cases like these out. There's too much in it for the new hotshots they look fondly upon. Who now will the vultures fall upon once this most recent carcass is picked clean?