The Big C

Man did I have a scare recently. Big enough to fit my one post a year bill...


I happen to fall into the testicular cancer age bracket and I was worried (still kinda am) that I might lose a nut. About a month ago, I started feeling pain in my groin and lower abdomen similar to a 10 minute old kick to the nuts. It was that regular dull throb except no one's foot had been near my nads. A few searches online about my symptoms only brought up one thing:


TESTICULAR CANCER


Fuck me! So I did the post-shower, low hanging, warm, malleable bag check and couldn't really find any lumps. But you guys wait until you're paranoid and then see just how familiar you really are with you own balls. I was rolling everything between my fingers while panicking and wondering if it was always like that. Normally when I'm doing that, I'm thinking of something pretty and not the intricate contours of my nads, vas, and accoutrements there within. Though they are fabulous!


Well I worried about it for a few days and finally got on the phone but couldn't get an appointment with my doc anytime soon. I ended up going to an urgent care clinic on a saturday because I was getting really scared for my fellas and I prefer the nickname One Nut sticking firmly to Mr. Armstrong.


The doc did his thing and I did mine: He sat on the stool in front of me while I pulled my pants down to my ankles with my shirt still on, looking and feeling fucking ridiculous as my girlfriend watched the whole thing. Not my idea of a hot threesome but I'm sure it falls somewhere near most chick's, especially with a guy making a doctor's salary. That alone was humiliating, but my fucking penis couldn't be a trooper about it either. No, I have to be nervous, naked and uncomfortable all by myself. He insisted on sitting this one out somewhere near my spleen, leaving just a vestigial turtle head as a lookout. Fucker.


Yeah right, who was I trying to impress, the Doc? Fuck yeah, him and everyone else. why not? I wish I were a shower not a grower...


After various proddings, we did the turn your head and cough trick. That sucks anyway but it sucks more when the whole area already hurts and this strange man is getting to your taint the hard way, by stuffing two fingers through your sack. Yeah it's not a gentle cup the bag like you ladies and kids might think. Then, he gets to thinking I actually have a minor hernia. To be sure, he does the finger thing 5 more times! Sucky as that was, it was such a huge relief that I could have hugged the guy except that my pants were around my ankles and he was sitting in front of me with two fingers in my scrot, my peen so shriveled and withdrawn that it's pretty much pointing right at him and he didn't even call me sweety.


Now I get to do this all again with my real doctor this Tuesday. THEN she'll (that's right) decide if I need to go to a specialist to get one more pair of hands on my tender junk and if I need surgery to fix the problem. I've had a girlfriend for three years, you'd think I could use the strange, but fucking hell...


Folks, I would do it all again with a smile to hear it's not TESTICULAR CANCER. Let's hear it for hernias!!!